Am I in LOVE?
It is a very common question, "How can I tell I'm in love?", but it is not an easy question to answer. What feels like love to one person may be nothing more than attraction to another. Some people fall in and out of love quickly and often while others are never really in love as much as they are in lust. This can get confusing when you are a teen because romantic love is a relatively new concept for you and you don't know what to expect. You are overwhelmed with all sorts of new feelings and social pressures. They are confusing. What is love? What makes you want a romantic relationship with one person and not another? How does your heart choose a partner? Why does love end? These questions can't be easily answered.
One of the most confusing quasi-love feelings is lust. Lust is a very powerful, very intense feeling of physical attraction toward another person. Lust is mainly sexual in nature - the attraction is superficial based on instant chemistry rather than genuine caring. Usually we lust after people we do not know well, people we still feel comfortable fantasizing about. It is very common for people to confuse lust for love. But why? What is it about lust and love that make them so easy to mix up? If lust is all about sex, how can a relationship without sex be about lust? Teens struggle with this because they see lust in the Biblical sense, but lust isn't that sinister. Lust is about physical attraction and acting ONLY on physical attraction. Love is about much more than that. Yet many teens (and to be fair, many adults) confuse an intense attraction for some sort if divine love. For teens, since feelings of attraction are still new and since pop-culture sells sex and love as one package, it is very easy to get the two mixed up. Lust is clearly not love. Love is based on more than just physical attraction. Sure, attraction is a factor, but love goes deeper than that. Love is based on caring, friendship, commitment
and trust. When you are in love it is as if you have your best most trusted friend at your side AND you feel physically attracted to them. It is the best of both worlds! Love is a shared feeling between two people who have a vested interest in one anothers happiness. Love is not about jealousy. It is not about conflict. It is not about testing. Love is a positive feeling. If it is tainted by mistrust, jealousy, insecurity or spitefulness it is not really love but merely a pale copy. Love is the total surrender of your heart to another person with the security of knowing they will treat it better than you will. Love should feel good. It should not feel bad. Love should make you want to be a better person, it should not lead you to do something self destructive. Love is not demanding of your spirit but lifts it and makes it glow. Love is a good thing. Anything less is lust, deep friendship or attraction. So the sappiness aside, the question remains, how can you tell you are in love?
and trust. When you are in love it is as if you have your best most trusted friend at your side AND you feel physically attracted to them. It is the best of both worlds! Love is a shared feeling between two people who have a vested interest in one anothers happiness. Love is not about jealousy. It is not about conflict. It is not about testing. Love is a positive feeling. If it is tainted by mistrust, jealousy, insecurity or spitefulness it is not really love but merely a pale copy. Love is the total surrender of your heart to another person with the security of knowing they will treat it better than you will. Love should feel good. It should not feel bad. Love should make you want to be a better person, it should not lead you to do something self destructive. Love is not demanding of your spirit but lifts it and makes it glow. Love is a good thing. Anything less is lust, deep friendship or attraction. So the sappiness aside, the question remains, how can you tell you are in love?There is no easy way to find the truth behind your feelings or the feelings of another person but there are some tell-tale signs that love is blooming (or growing deeper). If you agree with 7 of the following 9 statements you are probably in love.
1) You know, because you have been told by your significant other, that your deep feelings are returned in kind.
2) The object of your affections makes you feel special and good about yourself.
3) If/when you feel jealous it is always fleeting; you trust your partner not to betray you or hurt your relationship.
4) Nothing makes you feel as serene as when you and your partner are together.
5) When you fight with your partner you usually make up within a few hours and you always agree that nothing is more important than you both being able to express your true feelings (even if they sometimes cause conflict).
6) Your partner never asks you to choose between him/her and your loyalties to your family and friends - if you do choose him/her over them you always have a good reason and it is always YOUR decision, and your decision alone.
7) Neither you or your partner feel the need to test the other's loyalties or feelings.
8) You are more yourself when with your partner than you are with anybody else.
9) If sex is part of your relationship it is by mutual desire and agreement without the slightest hint of commitment testing or persuasion.
1) You know, because you have been told by your significant other, that your deep feelings are returned in kind.
2) The object of your affections makes you feel special and good about yourself.
3) If/when you feel jealous it is always fleeting; you trust your partner not to betray you or hurt your relationship.
4) Nothing makes you feel as serene as when you and your partner are together.
5) When you fight with your partner you usually make up within a few hours and you always agree that nothing is more important than you both being able to express your true feelings (even if they sometimes cause conflict).
6) Your partner never asks you to choose between him/her and your loyalties to your family and friends - if you do choose him/her over them you always have a good reason and it is always YOUR decision, and your decision alone.
7) Neither you or your partner feel the need to test the other's loyalties or feelings.
8) You are more yourself when with your partner than you are with anybody else.
9) If sex is part of your relationship it is by mutual desire and agreement without the slightest hint of commitment testing or persuasion.
How To Know When It's Love :
You feel very strongly for another person and want to know if what you're feeling is the real deal. Ask yourself these difficult questions. Here's How:
You feel very strongly for another person and want to know if what you're feeling is the real deal. Ask yourself these difficult questions. Here's How:
d Ask yourself: 'Would I be willing to let her/him go if I believed it was the best thing?'
d Ask yourself: 'Am I willing to wait for this person if s/he is not ready to have sex?'
d Ask yourself: 'Would I feel the same way if s/he gained weight?'
d Ask yourself: 'Am I willing to sacrifice my dreams to allow her/his dreams to come true?'
d Ask yourself: 'Do I respect and admire her/him?'
d Ask yourself: 'Would I feel the same way if s/he got sick?'
d Ask yourself: 'If you two were in an argument, would you feel the same way?'
If you answered 'No' to any of these questions, think about why you gave that answer. Is it a lack of trust? Is it because you're afraid? Is it selfishness? Do you need more time to get to know each other?
If you answered 'Yes' to all of these questions, wow, you feel very strongly about this person. It sounds like you're in love!
d Ask yourself: 'Am I willing to wait for this person if s/he is not ready to have sex?'
d Ask yourself: 'Would I feel the same way if s/he gained weight?'
d Ask yourself: 'Am I willing to sacrifice my dreams to allow her/his dreams to come true?'
d Ask yourself: 'Do I respect and admire her/him?'
d Ask yourself: 'Would I feel the same way if s/he got sick?'
d Ask yourself: 'If you two were in an argument, would you feel the same way?'
If you answered 'No' to any of these questions, think about why you gave that answer. Is it a lack of trust? Is it because you're afraid? Is it selfishness? Do you need more time to get to know each other?
If you answered 'Yes' to all of these questions, wow, you feel very strongly about this person. It sounds like you're in love!
Some Tips for "if you'r in love" :
1) If you're wondering if you're in love, this is often because you might base a decision on your answer. Be careful! Decisions should not be based just on the feeling of 'love'. You should also look at respect, commitment and trust.
2) Ask yourself what it means to you if you believe you're in love. Don't put pressure on yourself to define what you're feeling as love. And don't let anyone else pressure you either.
3) If you're not sure of the answer right now. Give it some time and ask yourelf these questions a few months or a year down the road. You might be surprised to see how your feelings change.
1) If you're wondering if you're in love, this is often because you might base a decision on your answer. Be careful! Decisions should not be based just on the feeling of 'love'. You should also look at respect, commitment and trust.
2) Ask yourself what it means to you if you believe you're in love. Don't put pressure on yourself to define what you're feeling as love. And don't let anyone else pressure you either.
3) If you're not sure of the answer right now. Give it some time and ask yourelf these questions a few months or a year down the road. You might be surprised to see how your feelings change.
Top 10 Things you Oughta know about LOVE :
1) Love does not hurt. Physical and/or emotional abuse are not a part of love.
2) Love is not manipulative, it should not be used to get others to do what you want. You should never give in to demands based on the, "You would do it if you loved me!" tactic.
3) Love is an intense feeling of caring for another person. It can take many different forms (romantic, friendly, familial) but it is always about caring.
4) Although it is true that a big part of love is putting another person's happiness ahead of your own this never includes compromising your values or being untrue to yourself.
5) If somebody asks you to do something that you don't want to do in order to "prove" your love they do not love you the way you might think they do. When you love another person you don't ask them to sacrifice a part of themselves in the name of that love.
6) It is very easy to confuse lust for love. The true measure of romantic love is commitment and trust not physical attraction.
7) It is possible to feel romantic love for more than one person at a given time. Just think, if it is possible for you to love both of your parents at the same time why would it be impossible to feel romantic love for two people at once? Don't beat yourself up emotionally if you find yourself in this unhappy situation. But be sure to remain single and be open and honest with all parties about your feelings and confusion.
8) Sex is NOT love. Love is NOT sex. Sex can be a part of romantic love but it is never mandatory.
9) Romantic love can (and often does) fade. When it goes there is not always a reason. When somebody falls out of love with you it does not reflect upon your value as a person or your desirability.
2) Love is not manipulative, it should not be used to get others to do what you want. You should never give in to demands based on the, "You would do it if you loved me!" tactic.
3) Love is an intense feeling of caring for another person. It can take many different forms (romantic, friendly, familial) but it is always about caring.
4) Although it is true that a big part of love is putting another person's happiness ahead of your own this never includes compromising your values or being untrue to yourself.
5) If somebody asks you to do something that you don't want to do in order to "prove" your love they do not love you the way you might think they do. When you love another person you don't ask them to sacrifice a part of themselves in the name of that love.
6) It is very easy to confuse lust for love. The true measure of romantic love is commitment and trust not physical attraction.
7) It is possible to feel romantic love for more than one person at a given time. Just think, if it is possible for you to love both of your parents at the same time why would it be impossible to feel romantic love for two people at once? Don't beat yourself up emotionally if you find yourself in this unhappy situation. But be sure to remain single and be open and honest with all parties about your feelings and confusion.
8) Sex is NOT love. Love is NOT sex. Sex can be a part of romantic love but it is never mandatory.
9) Romantic love can (and often does) fade. When it goes there is not always a reason. When somebody falls out of love with you it does not reflect upon your value as a person or your desirability.
10) Love should make you feel happy, secure and appreciated. . . .
thanks teenadvice.com
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